Grab some friends (or your family). Get some useless stuff together that isn't worth anything and is cluttering your house. Throw it out front on some tables or sheets. The people watching potential alone is worth the time. The added bonus is that they pay you, and take away your garbage. You play your game, they play theirs. This is the intense and often death-defying world of having a yard sale.
Have a yard sale, it's a ridiculously odd experience on a lot of levels. Even if you don't have anything worth selling, have one. That's the beauty of it. The weirder your merchandise is, the weirder your clientele. If you have a taxidermied squirrel riding a little toy motorcycle that just doesn't fit your decor anymore, put it out there.
Don't get me wrong, the prep is hard work. But, all in all it's well worth the effort. My wife, Sara, and I had a yard sale last weekend at my parent's house.
Disorganized and overcrowded we found ourselves contemplating moving. Every corner of the house was a chaotic mess; like something out of hoarders: the early years. Being as clutter makes me generally stressed out, and being as in childhood I was never taught how to organize things or even how to clean up after myself properly, I was in desperate need of a solution.
In the past few years when tight on cash, I had yard sales to raise money. The driving impetus behind this one was different. Our house had become overgrown with all sorts of odds and ends: Donations from relatives trying to slim down the throttling amount of material possessions they at one point thought they needed, literally thousands of toys accumulated thanks to having the first two grandkids on both sides of the family and grandparents prone to spoiling children. Stuff that we had bought when we were even poorer than we are now, that we had since bought a new and improved version of.
Additionally, at one point in my life I had collected Star Wars stuff. Not your average small shelf full of figures you thought looked cool, but about a mid-size Uhaul worth. I was a spoiled little brat as a child and had tons of Star Wars stuff. In fact, I didn't stop buying old Star Wars toys until I was in about 11th grade; around the same time that I started spending money on various consummable goods.
At this point you are probably thinking that I am sitting on the proverbial collector's gold mine. Surely, the story of how I made enough for a down payment on a house from my yard sale is to follow. As much as I wish I could tell you that this was the case, It wasn't. Point being I had a lot of Star Wars toys.
At this point you are probably thinking that I am sitting on the proverbial collector's gold mine. Surely, the story of how I made enough for a down payment on a house from my yard sale is to follow. As much as I wish I could tell you that this was the case, It wasn't. Point being I had a lot of Star Wars toys.
Being as most of my Star Wars stuff is still in storage at my parents house; and the fact that my town is one of those wonderful locales where you need to go to town hall, procure a permit, and then pay a fee in order to have a yard sale; I decided to stage the yard sale at my parent's house on a relatively busy New Jersey roadway.
Like everything else, Sara and I started yard sale preparations at the very last minute. The night before the yard sale, Sara and I made our way all over our house with boxes, rounding up crap to sell for about 10 percent of what we originally paid for it. Rummaging through our bedroom, the kids toys, basement, and attic we came up with an entire carload of the finest lightly used merchandise money could buy.
After loading all the stuff we planned to sell in the car, our house was once again tolerable. We could now walk in our attic. There were now less toys for my boys to fight over. We finally had a handle on what we even own. We could see the floor of my attic.
We sauntered out of bed at 7:15am, an hour later than we had wanted to, finished packing the car, and drove off to my parent's house. My parents were planning on selling a bunch of stuff too, so I figured that they would have everything set up that they were planning on selling and we could just set up our portion when we got there. Upon our arrival it became more and more obvious where I get my procrastination genes from. At close to 9:00AM they had little else out except for a few tables that were apparently filled with invisible mechandise. Well, at least we are consistent.
Needless to say, we eventually got our stuff set up. At this point it was time to sit back, relax and enjoy the show; and a fine show it was!! While we missed some of the more notoriously hardcore, yard-saling early comers, there were still plenty of characters to go around. At every yard sale you can hope to see some of these people at work, shit, you may even be one of them. The first few hours are the best and the earlier you get out there, the more fun these characters will be.
First, you have the hardcore collector. These are the depraved people who have a legitimate problem/obsession and are losing sleep to go out and see if they can find what they are looking for. Being as I collected Star Wars toys for most of my childhood and young adult life, and being as I currently spend about 2 hours a week on Ebay, trolling for antique Coca Cola bottles and mason jars I understand this obsession. Albeit, I make fun of these people relentlessly, mainly because they aren't into the same collection I am. Chances are that if you advertise for your yard sale on craigslist, these people will probably try to attack you beforehand. The ones who show up in person are the ones you have to watch. They usually have a talking schpeel that sounds as rehearsed and awkward as it sounds. Sometimes when they begin talking it doesn't end for a while. A long while. They are passionate about their interests and they will try to connect with you about them, whether you want them to or not.
Here is a sample schpeel that a frequent visitor to every yard sale I have ever had says: Hi, I'm wondering if you might have any military items. Guns, bayonets, swords, patches. (pause for answer) OK, also any jewelry. Earrings, necklaces, rings, brooches. Silver, gold, any other precious metals and/or gemstones. (Another equally awkward pause ensues.) Any 60s space toys, space memobilia in very good or better condition. (Unfortunately I know what that means.) At this point the overly enthusiastic chump will fixate on something you have that is remotely near to something he/she is actually interested in and then proceed to talk to you as if you are equally fascinated with this item as he/she is with their respective obsession.
In the case of my yard sale, he chose to pick apart every aspect of every Star Wars item I had put out. Of course Mr. Antiques Roadshow himself had to pick apart how he had bought a collection of Star Wars items in an auction recently for his son. Only when he bought the collection the figures and vehicles were complete with all of their accessories. Not all rough like your stuff.
Next, you will find a man or woman who feels obligated to nickel and dime you on the price of every, literally every thing possible. Mind you, they do not buy anything. They just walk around and ask you how much your asking for things, even if they have price tags on them. They just want to know that they can get the stuff your selling for less than you had wanted to sell it for. How much is this? (you tell them the price, for example $10) Would you take three? (You don't want to have to pack it up again and its really only worth $1 when you get right down to it, so you say yes. THEN, THEY DON'T BUY IT. They got the price they wanted. Call me old-fashioned, but usually if you get the price you are bargaining for, does it not end in a sale?
Then of course there are less annoying, more enjoyable yard sale clients. Next, you have the people who absolutely can't pass up a deal. I take a lot of pride in my Crazy Ernie's Emporium of Total Bargain Madness sale tactics in dealing with these customers. These customers are my bread and butter when I am having a yard sale. These customers have the ability to make a yard sale truly enjoyable. They spend lots of money, and you can have a lot of fun with them. Have some fun with them. People love a bartgain, crave them in fact. Offer them a two-fer, or better yet a three-fer. Everyone is happy, your stuff is gone and they feel as if they got a bargain.
If you have the means and lack of seriousness, it doesn't hurt to have the same atmosphere at your yard sale as you would at a barbecue or picnic. It doesn't have to be hard, serious or even particularly profitable. Have some friends over, have a couple of drinks, worst case scenario you don't make a lot of money, but you have some fun doing it.
Yard sales should never continue past 3:30pm. People stop showing up and you waste your time sitting around. Packing takes a while too. The cards aren't stacked in your favor to continue your yard sale later than 3. Not to mention something else is going to happen. About 15 minutes into packing up, you will suddenly find yourself in the middle of a last-minute, bargain-searching mob. They show up, seemingly oblivious to the fact that you are trying to pack up. However, me being a huge fan of inane conspiracy theories, I'll offer a completely valid one. THEY SHOW UP BECAUSE YOU ARE PACKING. They see your activity from the road as they drive by. They know what you packing up means, it means you don't want to lug all of that shit back into your house and put it back, probably all the way in your attic or basement. They are fully prepared to take serious advantage of your wishes not to have to pack up soo much stuff.
Personally in these situations I am fully happy and ready to oblige. Although I may be a little more throw-away-happy than a lot of front yard merchants, in my mind I know one thing is already in the bag. I am going to throw out all of this crap. With the exception of a few perfectly good things that I know should fetch a price in the event of my next front yard blowout, I am kicking this stuff to the curb anyway. Shit, if these people could wait a couple of minutes, they could have had the whole box of stuff for free. In the last hour of my last bout with crap-peddling, I made forty dollars on things that I had jammed into boxes that if I was more diligent would have been shoved out to the curb earlier.
Lastly, there is another hilarious opportunity even after a large portion of your goods are curbside. However, those of tight moral character may shudder at this one. People will immediately begin picking through your discarded merch. Don't miss the opportunity. Last time I had a yard sale, I neglected to take the yard sale sign off the telephone pole out front. I just so happened to be bringing out the last piece of garbage, and I realized someone eyeing up a set of speakers from the late-80s I had been trying to sell for five dollars. A particularly interested and utterly oblivious lady was eyeing them up. To anyone, they were quite obviously out to the curb as trash, they were basically in the road. As I walked out, with the box of old packing materials and other general garbage, the lady looked up and remarked:
Is this yur yard sales?
To which I remarked in an almost snicker, Why, yes it is..
She then asked me if the speakers in fact worked, to which I told the gospel truth,
They worked last time I used them, which was about three years ago. There's no reason they shouldn't. She replied with: They workin'? How much ya want?
I was askin' five. I replied.
Keep in mind these were out at the curb next to a pile of garbage bags, and a box of equally tired stuff.
You take two? My oblivious shopper offered. Bless her heart.
I weighed it over, in a purely theatrical and contemplative manner. Eeehhh, Hmmmm. Okay, sure.
She handed me eight quarters and left with the speakers, I even loaded them into her trunk for her. Maybe I felt bad, I probably should, but its all in good fun.
When all is said and done, above all else, have some fun. After all that's what is most important. If your yard sale was successful, you will leave it with an enormous wad of very small bills; which subsequently get spent on more stuff that will eventually be sold by you at....
YOUR NEXT YARD SALE!!...
Needless to say, we eventually got our stuff set up. At this point it was time to sit back, relax and enjoy the show; and a fine show it was!! While we missed some of the more notoriously hardcore, yard-saling early comers, there were still plenty of characters to go around. At every yard sale you can hope to see some of these people at work, shit, you may even be one of them. The first few hours are the best and the earlier you get out there, the more fun these characters will be.
First, you have the hardcore collector. These are the depraved people who have a legitimate problem/obsession and are losing sleep to go out and see if they can find what they are looking for. Being as I collected Star Wars toys for most of my childhood and young adult life, and being as I currently spend about 2 hours a week on Ebay, trolling for antique Coca Cola bottles and mason jars I understand this obsession. Albeit, I make fun of these people relentlessly, mainly because they aren't into the same collection I am. Chances are that if you advertise for your yard sale on craigslist, these people will probably try to attack you beforehand. The ones who show up in person are the ones you have to watch. They usually have a talking schpeel that sounds as rehearsed and awkward as it sounds. Sometimes when they begin talking it doesn't end for a while. A long while. They are passionate about their interests and they will try to connect with you about them, whether you want them to or not.
Here is a sample schpeel that a frequent visitor to every yard sale I have ever had says: Hi, I'm wondering if you might have any military items. Guns, bayonets, swords, patches. (pause for answer) OK, also any jewelry. Earrings, necklaces, rings, brooches. Silver, gold, any other precious metals and/or gemstones. (Another equally awkward pause ensues.) Any 60s space toys, space memobilia in very good or better condition. (Unfortunately I know what that means.) At this point the overly enthusiastic chump will fixate on something you have that is remotely near to something he/she is actually interested in and then proceed to talk to you as if you are equally fascinated with this item as he/she is with their respective obsession.
In the case of my yard sale, he chose to pick apart every aspect of every Star Wars item I had put out. Of course Mr. Antiques Roadshow himself had to pick apart how he had bought a collection of Star Wars items in an auction recently for his son. Only when he bought the collection the figures and vehicles were complete with all of their accessories. Not all rough like your stuff.
Next, you will find a man or woman who feels obligated to nickel and dime you on the price of every, literally every thing possible. Mind you, they do not buy anything. They just walk around and ask you how much your asking for things, even if they have price tags on them. They just want to know that they can get the stuff your selling for less than you had wanted to sell it for. How much is this? (you tell them the price, for example $10) Would you take three? (You don't want to have to pack it up again and its really only worth $1 when you get right down to it, so you say yes. THEN, THEY DON'T BUY IT. They got the price they wanted. Call me old-fashioned, but usually if you get the price you are bargaining for, does it not end in a sale?
Then of course there are less annoying, more enjoyable yard sale clients. Next, you have the people who absolutely can't pass up a deal. I take a lot of pride in my Crazy Ernie's Emporium of Total Bargain Madness sale tactics in dealing with these customers. These customers are my bread and butter when I am having a yard sale. These customers have the ability to make a yard sale truly enjoyable. They spend lots of money, and you can have a lot of fun with them. Have some fun with them. People love a bartgain, crave them in fact. Offer them a two-fer, or better yet a three-fer. Everyone is happy, your stuff is gone and they feel as if they got a bargain.
If you have the means and lack of seriousness, it doesn't hurt to have the same atmosphere at your yard sale as you would at a barbecue or picnic. It doesn't have to be hard, serious or even particularly profitable. Have some friends over, have a couple of drinks, worst case scenario you don't make a lot of money, but you have some fun doing it.
Personally in these situations I am fully happy and ready to oblige. Although I may be a little more throw-away-happy than a lot of front yard merchants, in my mind I know one thing is already in the bag. I am going to throw out all of this crap. With the exception of a few perfectly good things that I know should fetch a price in the event of my next front yard blowout, I am kicking this stuff to the curb anyway. Shit, if these people could wait a couple of minutes, they could have had the whole box of stuff for free. In the last hour of my last bout with crap-peddling, I made forty dollars on things that I had jammed into boxes that if I was more diligent would have been shoved out to the curb earlier.
Lastly, there is another hilarious opportunity even after a large portion of your goods are curbside. However, those of tight moral character may shudder at this one. People will immediately begin picking through your discarded merch. Don't miss the opportunity. Last time I had a yard sale, I neglected to take the yard sale sign off the telephone pole out front. I just so happened to be bringing out the last piece of garbage, and I realized someone eyeing up a set of speakers from the late-80s I had been trying to sell for five dollars. A particularly interested and utterly oblivious lady was eyeing them up. To anyone, they were quite obviously out to the curb as trash, they were basically in the road. As I walked out, with the box of old packing materials and other general garbage, the lady looked up and remarked:
Is this yur yard sales?
To which I remarked in an almost snicker, Why, yes it is..
She then asked me if the speakers in fact worked, to which I told the gospel truth,
They worked last time I used them, which was about three years ago. There's no reason they shouldn't. She replied with: They workin'? How much ya want?
I was askin' five. I replied.
Keep in mind these were out at the curb next to a pile of garbage bags, and a box of equally tired stuff.
You take two? My oblivious shopper offered. Bless her heart.
I weighed it over, in a purely theatrical and contemplative manner. Eeehhh, Hmmmm. Okay, sure.
She handed me eight quarters and left with the speakers, I even loaded them into her trunk for her. Maybe I felt bad, I probably should, but its all in good fun.
When all is said and done, above all else, have some fun. After all that's what is most important. If your yard sale was successful, you will leave it with an enormous wad of very small bills; which subsequently get spent on more stuff that will eventually be sold by you at....
YOUR NEXT YARD SALE!!...
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